A Fart By Any Other Name...

Note: If you are offended by adolescent humor, you have two choices: 1) don't read any farther, or 2) read, learn something, and hopefully laugh!

"A fart is just a turd honking for the right-of-way"--My husband

Marriage is a fascinating journey.  For many people today, it doesn't suit them.  But for me, it's the one relationship I can't imagine going without in life.  It's ordained by God.  It's a constant lesson in give-and-take.  It's the most rewarding attachment we will ever have.  I love that in our marriage we just don't care about how we are aging right before each other's eyes.  I guess that's part of the fun of growing old with another person...and no two days are exactly alike, so I see, hear, learn, and/or do something new every day.  And, it seems, we never stop learning about each other.  So having said all of that, I feel compelled to say that it is also peppered with some awkward, and sometimes smelly, moments too.

I guess what I am referring to is, is it just me, or do our bodies seem to have more "extra air" to expel as we get older?  To my best recollection, I can't remember having so much gas when I wake up, eat something, or for no apparent reason in the middle of the day.  (Thank the Lord that I don't have co-workers who sit next to me!)  So, my only conclusion is that this stuff just happens as we are getting older.

Perhaps we are conditioned to see this necessary bodily function as funny.  Maybe there have been too many sitcoms or too many home movies on America's Funniest Videos that have conditioned us to  automatically burst out in giggles when we hear that familiar noise.  Is this why we have whoopie cushions?  (And yes, I had one when I was a kid.)  My husband actually brought into our marriage a video tape (remember those?) of a preacher who made the most bizarre faces when he preached, and someone had the idea to insert a certain reel of sound effects whenever he made the faces.  It's called "Pastor Gas", and you can view a clip from YouTube here.  I'll be truthful and say that it does make me laugh!  You can find a plethora of gassy clips on the Internet, everything from people to cats to sound clips.  Whatever the reason, it seems to be a common occurrence in our home.  And to be honest, I don't really care.  Better to laugh at it than to be mortified by something so silly after years of marriage!  Oh, the stories I can't tell you...

But why do we have this problem?  A few different medical websites suggest that we begin to have problems with digestion as we age.  Certain foods become harder to digest or process, and the bacteria in the intestines that easily digested sugars in food when we were young have a harder time breaking it down as we age.  The more sugar there is to break down, the more bacteria you need, which causes the bacteria to multiply.  This multiplication is what causes gas.  Who knew?  See, we learned something new!  Now that I know the cause, I will...well...probably not change a thing about my diet.  At least, not right now.  I love sugar too much, so my hubby will just have to put up with my puffles for a while longer.  I love you, hon!

With all that we've experienced together so far, I can't help but wonder what the future will be like.  Will we have to give our guests gas masks when they come to visit?  What will we look like when we have wrinkles, gray hair, and hip replacements?  Will we need Life Alert devices for when we fall and we can't get up?  And most importantly, when we've been married 50 years, will we be sharing the same dentures and offering each other Beano?